“Need a light?”
The visitor’s question made Doug blush, but he answered it anyway. “No, thanks. I have around 100 lights already, in a variety of shapes and sizes. You should check them out.” Doug was feeling brazen. He suspected this might be the first of several sexually-charged and possibly inappropriate tiki questions from the visitor, but he was prepared. There was an air of electricity all around them.
The visitor shifted on his feet. “Mind if I ask your name?”
Doug was suddenly coy. Should he share his name so quickly, so easily? It’s true, the name of his home tiki bar pushed some boundaries. His name was full-on double-entendre, inflamed with innuendo. And, the visitor was clearly worked up, so Doug felt compelled to answer. “The Afterglow Oasis … Get it?” The visitor looked puzzled for a brief moment and then a look of knowing flooded his face.
“My, it’s huge,” the visitor noticed.
“Well, yes, I guess it is,” replied Doug. “I’ve been collecting for more than ten years, and now I’ve filled my tiki trailer to the brim. It started with just one chunky lamp, but it quickly grew into a collection that is probably the largest in the country.” Doug was really into Tiki and loved lighting, but he wanted something different than the pufferfish or trader style lights found in most home Tiki bars. When he saw the first chunky lamp, he knew he had to have it. Size didn’t matter. It was the 1960s vibe he craved most. Most of his lamps were made by the House of Mosaic of California and Florida. One dip into chunky lamps, and Doug was hooked. “I’m a lamp whore,” Doug confessed.
“So, you like them chunky, huh?”
Doug had to say yes. The majority of his lamps are “chunky” lamps. “The bigger the chunk typically means the more it’s coveted and valuable,” he added. He went on to explain that there are several types of lights he collects. In addition to the chunk lamps, Doug has lots of “spaghetti-style” as well as multiple “gravel-style” lamps. Each of these styles come in three main shapes – globes, cylinders, or squares – with squares being some of the rarest shapes. Some are made of Lucite; some are resin. Others are acrylic or glass. Most he found online, but he also finds them in the wild on occasion. “When I see one, I usually have to tie it up and take it home,” he admitted.
Now it was the visitor’s turn to blush. “So you’re into bondage?”
Cleary, Doug is. It’s only natural. Considering he was faced with the challenge of thrusting power cords and wads of chains for a hundred lights into a system of split bamboo sheaths, he had to devise systems to bind the chains together with fabric strips to discreetly hide the cords from view. His current system includes a series of metal rails and long power strips screwed into the ceiling joists around the perimeter of the room, hidden behind bamboo framing so Doug can easily manage the heavy load of lamps. These rails and strips tease him into arranging the lamps as artfully as possible, encouraging his fine collection of art, hung on lauhala and bac bac, to peek out behind the curtain of lamps. With everything perfectly in place, any ogler can great a great view of his Shag “Little Inferno” from any point in the room.
“What position is your favorite?”
“I prefer positions against the wall,” Doug admitted. Since he doesn’t have high ceilings, the lamps show better as a curtain of lights against the wall. This eliminates the problem of too many lamps awkwardly caressing the faces of his guests. It also accommodates the weight of multiple lamps, some weighing up to 30 pounds. Every wall has multiple lamps. “I also learned that it makes a bigger impact if I position them by color.” The corner by the dining room table is filled with vibrant blues and greens, the bulk of his collection. The family room has multi-colored, highly-prized lights. There are ample opportunities to switch colors or rooms when Doug is in the mood for something different.
“But what really turns you on?”
“I have a system of remotes,” Doug explained. With this many lamps, it was important for him to master this skill and not to become dominated by the time it might take to turn everything off or on in less than fifteen minutes.
“All this talk about switching, it’s making me so hot!”
“Well, you shouldn’t be hot,” Doug argued back. Doug uses all LED bulbs in his lamps to keep the temperature (and the electric bill cost) down. “I don’t use traditional bulbs. Otherwise, it’d be like I was baking a turkey in here.”
Nonetheless, Doug thought he might offer the visitor a cocktail to cool him down. Once he downed the drink, the visitor sheepishly made his way to the door and blurted out, “The interview … it was good for me, was it good for you?”
Doug just smirked and said, “truly illuminating.”
